YEA M FAT….SO WATS UR PROBLEM???

Though I’ve published a page long article, wen I started typing I wasn’t too sure if I shud b writing this. M still nt sure. That’s coz this is an article that’s closest to my heart. I hav mentioned a few things abt my frnds. I want those frnds to knw that I’ve written this nt to make a point or to put u’ll down or to gain sympathy, but simply coz that’s hw I feel. Hope u’ll understand. I donno who all will b reading this, but ppl who do will gt to c another side of me…the side thats nt happy-go-lucky all the time.

Yepp, I am fat….maybe obese. It’s physically tiring to live in this body. It’s nt like m handicapped or dependent or something. But to b honest it is difficult. I gt tired real soon. I like to laze around instead of going out n enjoying. Yet my spirits r high n though I may have a bad day once in a while, I make it a point to enjoy the following day like there’s no tomorrow. But it’s nt the physical stress that worries me. I workout 2 hrs in the gym regularly n spend another 1 hr swimming. So I do intend to lose weight (though I must mention that it’s turning out to b an extremely slow process). So like I was saying its nt the physical stress that worries me, but the mental n emotional strain. Wooof….that’s killing…I’ve been overweight since the time I can remember. Wen I was a kid ppl wud find me chubby n sweet. But as I grew older I realized that I wasn’t all that sweet anymore.

If ur nt fat, u have no clue wat its like to hear comments everyday. As a kid I wud b teased in skool. I was the “Baby Elephant” of my class. Huh….rt…if u think its no big deal, ask me. Its nt very nice to b called a “fatass”, “moti”, “godzilla”, “mammoth” n well a zillion other things. Never understood y ppl did that. I never got to terms wit hw teasing me n putting me down gave them some sort of sadistic pleasure. I never wanted to b a beautiful princess. I just wanted to b normal. But I was never allowed to feel that way. I was always supposed to feel like a gigantic monster. I never fit in. No matter wat I did, I was always the baby elephant.

As a young girl, I loved to go to the park n play. I loved the swing. But I wud never dare to sit on it wen ppl were around coz they wud say that the swing wud break n at some point of time I believed them. I wud feel bad, really really bad. I wud come home n cry n cry n cry. I wud always think it was just one such day…n that the next day wud b way better...Oh Boy!!! Who was I kidding? Coming home n crying had become a ritual. My parents were always there 4 me. My mom’s words of encouragement wud make things alright but nt for long. Dads transferable job didn’t help much either. Changing skools every 2 yrs was horrifying. The last thing I needed was a new set of meanies. Wen I walk down the road n c ppl laughing, I gt the feeling that it’s me they r laughing at. They r just strangers whose opinion shudn’t matter. But I can’t help it, m sensitive. I guess fat ppl r the most sensitive ppl.

Its nt like I don have frnds. I certainly do n I have frnds better than anyone cud ever ask for. I have been blessed in that respect. But sometimes they too make fun of me. I knw they don’t do that wit the intention to hurt me. I really knw that. But they do hurt me. Wen they pass a remark, I usually laugh it off. But only I knw that even though m hurting, I choose to laugh just to spare myself the embarrassment.

Like I said as a kid I was on a crying spree. But nt anymore. Nt bcoz it doesn’t hurt anymore but bcoz m just used to it by nw. Wat the hell. Its nt such a big deal. I mean wat if ppl still call me names? Wat if they say that I m “dharti ka bojh”? Wat if I m the gal who supposedly eats food meant for 5 ppl? Wat if I m the gal who shudnt b walking on the roads coz it might cause an earthquake. Wow….thats nt a big deal at all. No one wud ever knw wat its like to live in a fat persons body until u r one. Wen ppl make u feel like every inch of ur body is food u’ve gobbled n bloated ur self, its suffocating. I workout, I eat right. Ppl who knw me well, knw wat I eat. Yea I do love chocolates n ice creams n junk food n aerated drinks. Wat the hell…everyone does. I said I like them; I don hog on them which is wat everyone assumes without reason.

Mostly I like to b by myself. I certainly hate attending marriages n family gatherings. But to be true, I m proud of the journey I have made. Ppl can say wat they want to say. I knw I m normal n I knw I m just like any other 20 yr old, who just wants to live life to the fullest. I m nt worthless n m nt here to b put down by ur comments. I have learnt that in the end, it all comes down to me. I knw m born for greater things n I m an angel at heart. I cud do any thing but I cud never hurt another soul coz I knw wat its like to b hurt over n over again. I may be a lil down rt nw but my spirit isn’t broken. I m ME n I love myself 4 wat I m. And in the end that’s all that matters….….Isn’t it???